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My Life Journey

Creating peace and reality in your journey

Welcome

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Good Morning!  I am so excited to start my blog today and reaching out to the ones who need it.  I think we all need a little help now and then, right?  I’m hoping to answer some of the questions or conflicts you may have in your typical life as a mom, wife, friend, spouse; or in your spiritual life.  I have been thru and learned so much in my 41 years.  My daughter is 17 and my son is 10, so there’s a couple of lessons I’ve learned there.  I love being a wife, I like to cook, craft, read, and socialize with good friends.  Finding time for all of these things is another story.

I ask you to please click the “About” link and read a short version of how my life changed on May 20, 2016.  I look forward to your responses, questions, and stories of your journey.  It doesn’t have to involve a near-death experience.  We all reach a time in our lives where we change and sometimes we are not sure why.  We feel the need to get closer to our God, or do “better”.  We no longer want to be the person we have been or …

It’s your journey.

~Victoria

Featured post

Divorce

Well here I am. Going thru divorce number two. The thought brings a feeling I can’t explain. I’ve become a failure in my eyes in many ways. I feel I’ve let my children down. Again. I feel I’ve let my family down. Again. And I’ve absolutely let myself down. Again.

With that said, I know that it was not my fault, nor in my control. I know that I had to move on and continue to be a mother to my children. Protect them and show them what unconditional love is because that is the love they will always receive from me. I pray that they learn from my choices and mistakes and stay confident and continue to grow with love and peace in their hearts. What more could a mother ask for, right?

I pray I do the same, as I am in the ride of my life right now. I’ve never had so much pressure on myself, and myself alone. Alone. Key word. I’ve never been a fan of being alone. If you read one of my other posts, it’s actually one of my biggest fears in life. Being alone. I’ve been alone for over a year now and while it’s different and VERY difficult, it’s freeing and gives me a sense of independence that you can’t imagine. The hardest part is not knowing my future, but I do realize, that it’s all part of the journey. This journey that I obsessively speak about is, for lack of a better word, is exhausting at this point. It’s hard to think of the wonderful things when you are faced with the opposite everyday. I do know that this too shall pass. Right? Please?

I am sorry I haven’t written sooner. Thank you to everyone who has reached out and prayed for me. I am good, and I am absolutely getting better. I saved my soul. To be continued…

Faith

We here it all of the time… “have Faith”. We say we understand and we have faith. But do we really know what Faith is? Do we really rely on it and use our Faith when we desperately need it?

Amongst a series of difficulties that seem to never end, I have been tested of my Faith. I was told repeatedly by the same friend to have Faith. “I have Faith. Of course I do. Why is this friend constantly reminding me of Faith?” I wanted a different answer to my problems. And then I realized, Faith was the answer. And while I said I had Faith, I wasn’t practicing Faith. When I actually paid attention, I realized I wanted an answer. An easy fix. And at the time, Faith seemed so hard to have during a time like this. This friend again sent me an email reminding me to have faith. I stopped what I was doing and thinking and started to pray. Begging for Faith. As I had not had in quite a while. When I concentrated and prayed, I began to have Faith, and guess what? Things became easier to handle. Everyday started with a smile instead of a dread to starting the day.

Why do we make life so hard by struggling to find the easy fix, when the easy fix has been there all along? I’ve learned that I will forever be challenged and I will forever need my Faith in my God.

I will always search for the better me, and while growing and healing, I will always have Faith.

It’s your journey~

“If a woman has a choice between saving her soul or saving her marriage, she needs to save her SOUL” – Glennon Doyle Melton 

For most of us, in life we love. We love our parents, siblings, friends, and eventually, we love our significant other. Love is what makes us feel good. Safe. Protected. It’s our happy place. And then…we get angry with our parents, we fight with our siblings, we lose friends, and most of the time, we go thru a few mates before we find the right one. That is, if we are lucky enough to find the right one. 
We love our parents, so we get over the anger. We love our siblings, so we say sorry, kiss and make up. If there is mutual love between friends, you make up. If not, you don’t. When you extremely disagree (argue/fight) with your significant other, what do you do? Your relationship is stronger than a friend, and pretty close to the bond with your family. Do you stay? or do you go? Several factors will ultimately play into your decision, but I believe that this relationship will provide more lessons than any other. It requires you to look inside yourself, grow as a person, have ultimate respect for the other, show consideration, sacrifice, and so many more. It is an incredible amount of work to get to the goal, which is “till death do us part”.

Do you sometimes wonder if you’re strong enough?  Do you struggle with it being the “right” decision to leave or stay?  I think it is as simple as you asking yourself if whatever relationship you are in is breaking your soul?  Like Glennon, I believe you should save your soul. 

Victoria~

Love vs. Hate


My thoughts on racism and prejudices:
We are all God’s children, which makes us all brothers and sisters in the eyes of God. God wants us to love one another. 
Every time you want to judge someone based on something you don’t believe or approve of, remind yourself that that person needs love too. That person needs understanding. That person needs prayer. They are a child of God, just like you. 
Remember, that it is not your place to judge. There is only One that is in charge of that. 
It may be very difficult to change your habits of judgement and hate, but the answer is very simple. We are all God’s children. Your only purpose is to love and lead by example of love. That is how change begins. 
Happy Sunday to you all!! 

A New Year, A New You

2016 is over and, WOW, I had a busy year!  As did everyone, when you look at all the minor and major events that happened over the course of those 365 days. “Change” is the word that keeps popping into my head for 2016.  “Challenges”, personal and emotional.  As I reflect on the past year, I’m introduced to the lessons learned and new (better) ways to live this year. I implore you to do the same. Look at the mistakes, heartbreaks, loss of relationship(s), etc.  Ask yourself how you can prevent something like that from happening again. How would you react differently to someone who is hurting you?  How can you change your interpretation of someone who is causing the pain? 

Learn to not repeat the same mistake or bad habits.  It sounds like common sense, right? Maybe, but 75% of us will do the same things over and over again. Why? Probably because it’s “what we know” and changing would be too much work. 

The word “Love” pops in my head for 2017.  No, not in the sense of finding your soulmate and falling in love, but loving one another. Seeing eachother as the same as you. Maybe they are in a different tax bracket or neighborhood.  It doesn’t matter. Maybe they are Republican and you are a Democrat.  It doesn’t matter. Maybe they have nothing in common with you.  It doesn’t matter.  

We are all different in the opinions we have and the choices we make. We are not robots all programmed to do and say the same things. However, our souls all come from one place with one purpose….to LOVE.  

If you see someone who needs help this year, help them. Don’t judge. Don’t gossip. Don’t hate. Be a leader and LOVE.  You will change the quality of your life and others if you tell yourself every morning that you will help one person everyday. It can be by giving a hug or a smile, or not having road rage for the slow person in front of you who is making you crazy😉.  Change in this world begins with us. Happy New Year everyone. Bless you all! 

Victoria Collard~

I’m Back…

It’s been a while since I have written. I have been through a series of tragic events over the past 6-8 weeks. It has all thrown me off my game and I haven’t known what to write about first, if at all. 

On October 17th, my grandmother passed away. She was very dear to me and there was always something special between us.  I was born on her 50th birthday, which I now believe is no coincidence.  About 6 weeks prior, my dad called me to tell me that she was being put on hospice care, but the doctor said she has about 6 months left, so not to feel rushed to go see her. I immediately felt a rush to go see her, but I wasn’t sure why. I live 3 1/2 hours away from where she is, or I would have went as soon as I hung up. This feeling of going to see her, NOW, wouldn’t go away.  So, I packed up and drove to see her as soon as the weekend arrived. I intended to spend all day Saturday with her.  I was being told what she needed and things to say to her for comfort. When I arrived she was asleep. I was told to hold her like a child. That she needed to be held. I looked around, climbed in her bed, and held her like a child. I began to pray with her and tell her what she needed to hear to let go. She was a saint and she was done fighting and being strong. It was time to let go. Go and smile, feel free and allow your soul to rest. At that moment, I saw an outline of people waiting for her and two of them stepped forward and wanted me to tell her they were waiting for her. One was her sister in law, Albina and the other was a young girl in a dress, who said she was her twin sister. Her twin sister?  Before I relayed the message to my grandmother, I wanted to confirm my reading. I stepped outside and called my parents. They were not aware of a twin sister, but it seemed familiar to me. I relayed the messages to my grandmother hoping it would give her peace. 

Six weeks later, she passed away. It was the most beautiful day and service. I usually tune out to a certain degree at funerals because I just can’t deal. This funeral was different. It was too close to home. It was my “gramma”.  I walked up to her casket. I grabbed her hand and immediately felt all the pain she had suffered throughout her life. It was overwhelming. I knelt and prayed, still holding her hand. I then realized how important a funeral is. It’s closure for the ones left here on earth. During her service, Father John mentions her twin sister, Alice. I looked at my mother. She said, “I forgot to tell you, we found out she had a twin sister who died at age 6.”  When the service was over, my grandmother’s sister-in-law’s daughter came up to us and said “I know they are just gabbing away right now, smiling, and catching up”.  I so badly wanted to tell her she was right. 

After the funeral I began to celebrate her life, as I truly believe Hell is here on earth. She is so lucky and there’s a part of me who wishes I was going with her. I begged my gramma to be my guide after she passed, to help me be a better person. Like she was. To show me through butterflies that she is with me. There have been several dark days since she has passed. I speak to her all of the time and there have been many butterflies that come right up to me, fly close to my face and hover, before flying away. I can’t help but think that is her. I know it is. 
Please remember that after a loved one passes, they are still with you. They will leave signs, which most people don’t even notice. You can still talk to them and they can still hear you. 

Don’t forget where you came from 


The best part of not forgetting where you came from, is being who you truly are. 
The purest form of your soul is at birth. By the time we reach our 20’s and 30’s, we are molded into what we have been taught, surrounded by, and influenced by. 
For myself, it was literally right before I turned 40 that I realized how badly I wanted to be me! That required a lot of soul searching which led me to a whole new world. 

I must say, it’s amazing to be able to be myself and no longer what anything or anyone else wants me to be. However, I am still very attached to my roots. There is a sense of comfort and peace about where I started out. The good times and the bad times. Maybe it’s because I learned major life lessons in that time, which has made me partly who I am today. Regardless, don’t forget who and where you came. It’s a very significant and imperative step to completing your journey. 

It’s your journey!

Victoria ~

Living a REAL life, your authentic life

Hilly Road
23 Mar 2005, Hawaii, Hawaii, USA — Hilly Road — Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

One of the most difficult things I have struggled with since I can remember.  The difference between a life that is mine and authentic, or a life that I’m “supposed” to live.  Don’t know what I’m talking about yet? Here’s how most of my life has played out:

“I need to be a perfect mother.  I need to have perfect kids.  I need to live in a perfect house, with a perfect family and go to the best schools.  I need to be supermom, go to church every Sunday, and make dinner every night.  I need to be accepted and have spectacular parties and make sure everyone knows who I am.   And last but not least, I need to be skinny to be pretty. ”

Sound familiar?  What a torturous life to live.  Torture by your life that is the furthest from REAL or authentic.  A life that, in the end, will give you all of the perfect imperfections to be miserable, empty, and lonely.

So, what is an authentic life?  What is REAL?  The habit of the opposite may be hard to break and will take some training on your part.  Take a few minutes one day and ask yourself what makes you happy?  What makes you feel good?  What makes you feel accomplished, and what really matters to you if today were your last day on earth?  Think about these questions and your answers every chance you get.  Your mind will start to explore itself and you will soon start to “get it”.  Once you “get it”, if you truly believe in it, you will start to change.  Probably slowly and with slight changes, here and there.  This will be the beginning of a new journey in your life.  It will be controlled by you and only you.  How exciting!

God Bless you all!  It’s your journey 🙂

~Victoria

 

 

When your faith is tested

So here I am starting my blog and writing about whatever God guides me to talk about. I pray, meditate and I write about whatever I am guided to say. Who would of thought that just a few days ago, I would write about friendships and then lose a friend shortly after. I reread my blog post and realized that as I was trying to help others make strong decisions and look into their friendships, it was maybe my friendships I should have been loooking into. The saddest part is I lost a friend over faith, but not because of faith. So as I questioned everything after this incident. Am I doing the right thing? Is this what God had in store when He chose me to help others? Am I failing Him? This morning I am putting it behind me and continuing on my journey. There’s a couple of things I’ve learned from this…never give up or let someone bring you down or away from your faith, and listen to your God or your intuition. He has always been there for you and he is the one friend who will never leave you. 

It’s your journey. 

Victoria ~

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